Malcolm Gladwell is coming to Hong Kong

鼎鼎大名的 Malcolm Gladwell 8月7日將來香港舉行講座！信報用戶有機會以半價買票。即係呢，半價了都要三千；即係呢，有錢的話真的好想去，可惜我沒有。
　

如果你不知道Malcolm Gladwell是誰的話．．他就是熱爆全球的"The Tipping Point"; "Blink" & "Outlier" 的作者。

書輾

今天回家我立刻把facebook的headline改成 "在書展被很多拖喼輾過"。
　
明明是星期一吖，又不是最後一天，還以為人會比較少，真的是太天真太傻。在火辣辣的灣仔繞了幾個圈，不爭氣的肉肉雙腿和牛仔褲糊在一起時才進得到入會場。入場前一直像念著不可以花超過五百大元的我，結果還是破功了。
　
比起大出版社的攤位，我更愛田園愉林開益紫羅蘭樂文等書店。普通的English novels，Page One賣百多元，商務賣70幾元而他們卻才賣40幾，不買真的對不起自己啦～但我家還有很多未看，所以今次沒買這些。反而梁文道的買了好幾本。
 

The Shack

這幾個月一直陷入迷茫痛苦的我，這本書或多或少救了我。起碼，喚醒了我　神一直都在，我不是孤單的，一切事情的發生，都是有它的意義。
　
這本打正旗號基督教小說，高踞 New York Time 連續50週冠軍；成為2008年全美最暢銷小說。由一個失去至親的故事開始，故事的主角經歷了一個奇妙的救贖之旅，重新認識主及重建與主的關係。我看網上有很多讚賞可是亦有很多將這本書批評為異端，大概是因為書裡面把上帝變成了個黑人女人，主耶穌變成猶太工人，而聖靈變成了輕飄飄的亞洲女人吧？
　
剛開始看的時候也有點不自然的感覺，因為它形容的跟我們想像的大不同，可是，外表的形象又有何重要呢？我們一直的學習不是告訴我們不要以貌取人嗎？書裡面生動而且觸動心靈的情節內容，啟發了我長久以來的誤解和疑惑。實實在在是一本很好的書。
 
強烈推介。
　

關於此書：
http://www.christianbook.com/shack-william-young/9780964729230/pd/729230/991854380?event=HPF1#curr
http://www.amazon.com/Shack-William-P-Young/dp/0964729237/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1245741132&sr=8-1
http://theshackbook.com/index.html
http://www.kingstone.com.tw/english/book_page.asp?kmcode=2038881441665&Actid=Ehottopic&LID=2005&LIDD=20051
 
中文版也有了：
http://www.booklife.com.tw/theshack.htm

日文版也有！
http://www.theshack.jp/index.html

食物宜忌 － 生果篇

今天蘋果日報介紹了食物相配的宜忌，很有用呢～
　
檸檬
宜：海產　－　檸檬汁的酸度能於 15分鐘內殺死大部份海產品中的細菌，故十分適合與海產同吃。
　　白糖　－　有生津止渴、開胃及安胎作用。
　
忌：胡蘿蔔　－　胡蘿蔔的維生素 C分解酶能破壞檸檬中的維生素 C，從而降低其營養成分。

木瓜
宜：　牛與豬　－　木瓜中的木瓜酵素可軟化豬或牛的肌肉纖維，使肉質嫩滑，並有益於蛋白質的吸收。
　　　牛奶　－　木瓜中的木瓜酵素有助牛奶中蛋白質的消化和吸收。

忌：　南瓜　－　南瓜中的維生素 C分解酶會破壞木瓜中的維生素 C，令其失去營養價值。

葡萄
　
宜：　糯米　－　葡萄中的葉酸與糯米中的鐵質相結合，能維持紅血球正常運作，有助預防貧血及消除疲勞。
　　　芝麻　－　葡萄皮和種子具有高強度抗氧化物質，搭配芝麻的維生素 E，能進一步增強整體的抗氧化功效，有防癌抗衰老功能。

忌：　蝦　－　葡萄所含的單寧酸會與蝦內的鈣質結合成不易消化的物質，易引起胃部不適，出現惡心及嘔吐症狀。

蘋果
　
宜：　豬肉　－　蘋果中的糖類與豬肉中的維生素 B1及鋅質一起結合，有助消除疲勞。

忌：　洋葱　－　蘋果所含的植物色素與洋葱的硫化合物同時攝取時，經人體消化分解後，易產生抑制甲狀腺作用的物質，從而誘發甲狀腺腫大。

西瓜
　
宜：　吃時撒上食鹽　－　因西瓜的鉀質與食鹽的鈉質結合，有助維持人體內的酸鹼平衡。
　　　綠茶及薄荷　－　西瓜及綠茶均具生津止渴功能；薄荷則有提神醒腦及鎮靜情緒的作用，三者搭配煮茶飲用，能使口氣更清新。

忌：　與酒同時享用　－　因酒精成份會破壞西瓜所含的泛酸，降低了營養價值。

士多啤梨
　
宜：　榛果　－　士多啤梨的維生素 C與榛果的鐵質相遇，可促進鐵質的吸收，預防貧血、增強體力。

忌：　燕麥及牛奶　－　士多啤梨中的有機酸，搭配含蛋白質的燕麥或牛奶食用，會產生沉澱物，不利於人體吸收，從而降低其營養價值。
　　　番薯　－　身體在進食富含澱粉質的番薯後會分泌大量胃酸，當遇上士多啤梨的果膠時即會生成凝塊，影響消化過程，從而使腸胃不適。

橙
　
宜：　與含高膽固醇成份如忌廉製品同吃；因橙含豐富能排走膽固醇的纖維素，有助減少膽固醇的吸收。

忌：　食完蝦食橙　－　蝦的鈣質與橙的單寧酸結合成不易被消化的物質，易刺激胃部導致嘔吐。
 

Is the Soul Mate Mentality a Sham?

關於出軌的人往往以soulmate做藉口(或許被誤導)，實在很在意．．．我深深相信 love is a choice，而且 happiness is our own responsibility。  什麼藉口都是掩飾自私的行為，我真的很希望，做錯的人快點醒覺；受傷的人快點痊癒．．．
 
看看別人怎麼說 (from www.crosswalk.com)：

Is the Soul Mate Mentality a Sham?

Deborah J. Thompson

Crosswalk.com Contributing Writer

 

There has been a lot of hoopla in the media lately regarding the use of the term, “soul mate” by South Carolina Governor, Mark Sanford, to justify his extra-marital affair. Our society has romanticized the notion of finding your soul mate for generations. There is something mesmerizing about the conviction that there is one person out there that is a perfect match for us, just waiting to be found.
　

And many couples enthusiastically use the term to describe one another when they first “fall” in love. The thrill of love in its infancy and the joy that we experience, seem to indicate that we have found that one perfect person that completes us and makes us better together than we were apart.
　

But when the reality of merging two lives into one collides with our romantic stirrings, many people deduce that they didn’t find their “soul mate” after all.  So they seek excitement or solace in the arms of someone else, or they part ways and are once again involved in the quest to fulfill their fantasy of finding the one and only person on this entire planet, who will make them happy.
　

And therein lies the first problem with this philosophy—our happiness is our own responsibility. If you are looking for someone else to complete you, to fill your life, to be the source of your contentedness, then you will be searching in vain your whole life. And you are placing an unreasonable expectation upon everyone with whom you develop a serious, romantic attachment.

 

Spouses, partners, friends and family are not here to make us happy. They are here for their own spiritual journey. When their lives intersect with ours, we can love one another, support each other, demonstrate kindness, and enhance our experience of being on this planet. But our ultimate happiness is not derived from other people, or even from our external circumstances. It comes from an attitude within us, our connection with God, and our choice to take personal responsibility for our own lives. Even a purported “soul mate” has no power to sustain our joy, our happiness, or our value and self-worth.
　

I found it interesting to read the various definitions of a soul mate:  “a person who is perfectly suited to another in temperament, a person who strongly resembles another in attitudes or beliefs”, “a person, especially of the opposite sex, with whom one has a deeply personal relationship”, and even, “a person with whom one gets along well because of having shared interests and experiences.” Hmmm…sounds a lot like how most of us have described our spouses at one time or another!

So how do we go from this definition of a “soul mate”--our own spouse, with whom we have “a deeply personal relationship”, who is “perfectly suited” to us, and who shares our “attitudes, beliefs, interests and experiences”, to “falling” out of love?
　
 

Well, this is the second problem with our romantic ideology about love. We use the terms, “falling in and out” of love when in reality, love is a choice. The feeling that initially attracts us to someone, is more akin to lust than to the true definition of pure, real, love. And that is why it doesn’t last. There is no way to sustain that level of fiery passion for a lifetime. And when our lives intrude upon our romantic inclinations, we start to believe that there is something wrong with our relationship.

But that is not always true. Passion burns with intensity at the beginning of a relationship. It is exciting, it feels good and we are often consumed by it. But all fires eventually burn themselves out when they run out of fuel. It is our job, as marital partners, to remember to “fuel” our relationship, to nurture it, to feed it, to cultivate it so that it can grow, develop and evolve into a sustainable and mutually beneficial partnership.
　

We must make a daily choice to continue to love one another and remember that little things can make a big difference. Ever since we were first married almost 18 years ago, my husband leaves a note for me on our bathroom mirror. He keeps a pad of sticky notes in his drawer and writes me a short message every day. And if one of us is traveling, he sends it to me in an email.
　

He takes his inspiration from whatever is happening in our lives at the moment or from his morning devotional reading. Sometimes he thanks me for something I have done, other times he compliments me, occasionally he apologizes, often he writes an uplifting and encouraging message, and sometimes he just simply says, “I love you.” There are usually just a few sentences, but they mean the world to me. They make me feel loved, appreciated, valued and cherished. 

And he has told me that in the disciplined act of writing these daily affirmations of his feelings, he “finds a new reason to love me, every day”. And that is the advice that he gives to all newly married couples he encounters, “Find a new reason to love one another, every day.”
　
 

That attitude demonstrates the realization that LOVE IS A CHOICE. It illustrates how to make the choice to continue to love, day after day, in spite of any circumstances that might detract you. And it exemplifies how you successfully transition from the blazing, passionate flames of new love, to the warm, glowing embers of a love that lasts a lifetime.
　
 

It is also interesting to note that while The Bible gives us a great definition and much advice regarding “Love”, I could find no reference at all to a “soul mate”. God never instructs us to seek out a soul mate. However, if we follow the precepts of marriage he provides, then it is possible to develop the spiritual, physical, and emotional connections implied in the term.
　

So is the notion of a soul mate some sort of sham? Perhaps. But I believe that my spouse is my soul mate--not because of some mystical twist of fate, but because we work on our marriage every day to ensure that our “soul mate status” remains intact.
　

We seek contentment and happiness within ourselves, try to limit our selfish behavior, forgive easily and quickly, and strive to maintain our connection with God and with each other. We appreciate each other and endeavor to find new reasons to love one another on a daily basis. We spend time together, sharing “interests and experiences”.  And we make the choice, every day to continue to love each other, respect each other, and treat each other with kindness, compassion and patience.

Perhaps we should all start embracing the notion that “soul mates” are made, not born, that we can 　
become soul mates with our partners. After all, what we really want when we seek a soul mate is someone that excites us, someone we can depend upon, and someone who really loves us for who we are. Put in those terms, it doesn’t seem so far-fetched or out-of-reach, does it?　
　
 

I know that becoming soul mates with our spouses requires more work on our part than just getting “lucky” and “finding” them does, but at least we don’t have to abandon our romantic desire for the level of connection and intimacy that the term “soul mate” represents to us. We can stop “searching the world” and start searching our own homes. And best of all, with God’s help, if we will integrate this mindset into our marriages, we can actually turn the fantasy of a soul mate into a reality.

Take a good look at your spouse today and see if you can’t “fan the flames” of love a bit. You just might find that you have been married to your “soul mate” all along, after all.
　

“So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe that God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It’s your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it.”  ~ Colossians 3:14 (The Message)

---

Deborah J. Thompson is a writer, artist and Stephen Minister.  Please visit her website http://www.inspiredreflections.info/ for additional “Reflections” on Life and Marriage. She has just finished the first draft of her first book, Your Life, Your Choice, which gives 5 simple steps to harness the power of your choices and bring more Love, Joy and Peace into your life. She can be reached at reflecting@me.com.

source from http://www.crosswalk.com/marriage/11606201/page0/

 

 

焦糖蘋果批

超級容易做的蘋果批！！　
　

焦糖蘋果批

材料
蘋果4-5個
牛油 60克
糖 120克
肉桂少許
酥皮 190克 (急凍酥皮)
蛋黃 1個
水 1湯匙
檸檬水適量
 
做法

1. 蘋果去皮後浸水，去心切成粒粒狀，加入檸檬水再浸。
2. 在平底鍋下糖，開中火將糖略煮溶，放入牛油慢慢拌勻，煮成焦糖。
3. 加入蘋果，用細火略煮一陣，加肉桂粉，煮至蘋果軟身。
4. 預熱焗爐至 180℃。將酥皮碾薄，蓋上批盤，在表面切開一些缺口。
5. 將蛋黃與水混合，掃在酥皮上，放入焗爐焗 30分鐘便成。 
  

When The Ground Shakes

from today's Daily Bread
 
“ In my distress, I called upon the Lord. —Psalm 18:6 ”

When The Ground Shakes
READ: Psalm 18:1-6

“ In my distress, I called upon the Lord. —Psalm 18:6 ”

Several days after a devastating earthquake in the San Francisco area, a young boy was seen rocking and swaying on the school playground. His principal asked him if he was okay, and the boy nodded yes and said, “I am moving like the earth, so if there’s another earthquake I won’t feel it.” He wanted to prepare himself for another shaking of the ground.

Sometimes after a trauma, we brace ourselves for what might be coming next. If we’ve had a phone call that brought bad news, every time the phone rings we feel panicky and wonder, What has happened now?

The “ground was shaking” for the psalmist David after King Saul tried to kill him (1 Sam. 19:10). He ran and hid. He thought death was next and told his friend Jonathan, “There is but a step between me and death” (20:3). He wrote, “The pangs of death surrounded me, and the floods of ungodliness made me afraid” (Ps. 18:4).

David cried to the Lord in his distress (v.6) and found that He was a stabilizer, One he could trust would always be with him. He said, “The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; . . . my stronghold” (v.2). The Lord will be that for us also when the ground shakes under us.  — Anne Cetas

天使脆脆糖

小時候常常吃一種巧克力叫 "滴滴金"朱古力。薄薄的朱古力外殼包住焦糖味道有點fizzy的脆糖，是我最喜歡的小食之一。流行了很久的天使蛋白蛋糕我近來才第一次吃，原來在雪白的蛋糕上還會加上跳脫的脆糖，一吃就令我想起滴滴金朱古力！根本就是同一樣東西！我記得Nigella之前有教過一種很容易做的脆糖叫Hokey Pokey，可是做出來效果有點不太一樣。再上網找找食譜，我想關鍵應該在糖漿的種類，應該是要用粟米糖漿(corn syrup)的，它做出來的效果比較有黏性，比較脆口好吃呢！

　
材料：
砂糖100克
水 25克
粟米糖漿 (corn syrup) 25克
梳打粉 5克
 　
做法：

1. 在小鍋（有handle比較好） 有中加入砂糖, 粟米糖漿及水拌勻
2. 用中細火煮約4-5分鐘, 要煮沸起泡那樣。不用攪拌直到質地變得有點杰，開始有少少黃色的樣子
3. 搖一搖鍋子，令到全部糖都顏色均勻，就可以關火
4. 快手加入梳打粉，用長匙快速拌勻，此時混合物會起泡脹起。一直攪拌 直至膨脹減慢，將混合物倒上已鋪好焗爐紙的平盆內
5. 靜放到焦糖完全冷卻，將它用木棍敲碎或用手剝碎，就可以吃啦～
　
 

Soulmate?

朋友的老公有第三者，他說他找到他的soulmate了。 那個第三者也感性的說別人的老公是他的soulmate．．．現在究竟是什麼世界了？ 我真的很puzzle!！
　
找了很多資料，看了很多個案，很多有第三者的case都是說自己找到soulmate。我真的很想問，現在你熱烈的感覺不就正如當初你愛你的老婆一樣嗎？！ 那不是現在才找到你的soulmate，而是你去決定那個是你的soulmate。什麼什麼根本都是華麗的藉口。 只是為自己放縱的行為的掩飾。
　
雖然我不應該去批判別人，可是，明明是錯了還口口聲聲說這是自然發生的事，對不起老婆也是無可奈何．．．吓？！這樣的人我真的希望他跟他的"soulmate"一起吧，然後過幾年後又再找到他的soulmate吧！！好過現在你把他留住，他就永遠覺得得不到的那個就是最美好的。就讓他得到吧！然後讓他自己發現現實的殘酷吧！
 
美國South Carolina的 Governor也發生了同樣的事，讓支持他的市民、 家人、子女都很心痛。 雖然他說他想要和妻子重修舊好，但他的話卻令人明白他根本不是這樣想。他說："This was a whole lot more than a simple affair, this was a love story," he said. He added: "A forbidden one, a tragic one, but a love story at the end of the day."  "knowing that I had met my soul mate."  okay．．你沒想到你的妻子有多無辜 ,有多傷心。如果那個真的是你的soulmate，你抓住不要放好了，不要到你百年歸老才來說，當年我遇到那個女人有多好．．．到你老的時候還要去傷透你妻子的心，倒不如現在去傷吧！就去看看你的soulmate能soul你多久吧！
　  
真係soul你老mate

okay，我是比較激動，就看看rational的professional怎麼分析吧 >>

---

Governors, Quarterbacks, and Soul Mates
Joe Beam
President, LovePath International

The news that South Carolina governor Mark Sanford described his mistress Maria Belen Chapur as his soul mate had not yet grown cold when another “married man in the wrong situation” story hit the airwaves. Former Tennessee Titan’s quarterback Steve McNair was murdered and his body found alongside that of the woman who expected him to divorce his wife and marry her, Sahel Kazemi.

No, this isn’t an attack on either of those men or their recent tragedies. My heart breaks for their families, particularly their children, as well as for their wives and the men themselves. Instead, if you will think with me for a few moments, perhaps we can get a clearer picture as to why good people – both Sanford and McNair claim Christianity – make very destructive decisions. Also, maybe we can put to rest the tired clichés surrounding the concept of finding a soul mate.

Every month I spend three intense days with a new group of married couples in crisis. Though certainly not true of all that attend, many come to my workshop with stories that parallel those of Sanford and McNair except theirs hasn’t been broadcast on national television. (Well, actually, some have.) Not just men, mind you, but women as well who have violated their marriage vows through strong emotional (and usually sexual) connection with another.

For more than twenty years I’ve listened to their stories, hundreds upon hundreds, and learned the commonality that runs through them. Yes, there are always “unique” circumstances. And, yes, those in these situations believe that no one else has experienced what they are experiencing nor understands what they are feeling. However, the foundations are so similar and the path so worn that to their astonishment I accurately and vividly describe for them their experience, emotions, and expectations of what comes next. The typical stunned response is something like, “You just spoke my heart!” or “You told my story!” or “How did you know?”

Nope, I’m not a magician. (I believe in miracles rather than magic.)

Uh-uh, it’s not a word of knowledge or divine revelation, though if God decided to do that with every couple I met it would certainly make my work easier.

It's Limerence.

Limerence was coined by Dorothy Tennov, PhD, in 1977. A great deal of research into it has been done by Helen Fisher, PhD, and her colleagues. I’ve witnessed it up close and personal through years of work with thousands of couples. As I describe it, you will realize that you’ve seen it too – maybe even experienced it. (Don’t worry if you never have; not everyone does.)

Limerence is being madly and overwhelmingly in love to the point of obsession. While it incorporates some dimensions of the agape (Ephesians 5:28) and phileo (Titus 2:4) forms of love that Christians are familiar with from Scripture, it also has several shovelfuls of eros mixed in. One in the throes of limerence thinks constantly about the limerence object (LO, the designation used to identify the one the limerent is madly in love with). The limerent feels strong passion and tremendous pleasure and happiness, even euphoria, associated with the LO. In the eyes of the limerent, the LO rises above normal humanity and is viewed as nearly flawless. I could spend pages describing it, but this gives the idea. (See chapter four of my book Your LovePath for more.)

From Fisher’s work we know that in this state the limerent’s brain increases dopamine (the ecstasy, happy, feel-good chemical in the brain) and decreases serotonin (the inhibitor, finish things, bring things to a conclusion chemical in the brain). To draw us toward the lover and overcome any barriers that might distract or prohibit us from pursuing, the brain goes into a phase in which logic and intelligence surrender to feelings and emotions. It’s a natural high that is as strong, if not stronger, than nearly any drug. And it gets stronger.

Emotions continue to intensify as fear develops that somehow one may lose the LO and the relationship will not last. Fear increases passion. That’s why it is so euphoric while at the same time so scary. In short, the limerent’s brain is a cauldron of unbalanced chemicals that lead to the absolute misery of blissfully intense love; happy thoughts mixed with fearful thoughts, wonderful fantasies about the future diluted by nagging doubts, euphoria sometimes dropping suddenly into depression, and giddiness competing with Godliness.

With inhibitions reduced and ecstasy increased, one in limerence describes his/her feelings in glowing, romantic terms. Governor Sanford said of his relationship with Chapur, “This was a whole lot more than a simple affair. This was a love story. A forbidden one, a tragic one, but a love story at the end of the day.” He believes that he will reach death “knowing that I had met my soul mate.”

Soul Mate?

If Sanford is in limerence with Chapur (a given, don’t you think?) you can see why he believes that. Look up the origin of the phrase soul mate and you’ll find that it began with the idea that Zeus (people later attributed it to Karma and eventually to God) split souls and we spend our lives looking for the person that is the other half of us. Therefore, if we are so lucky as to find and develop a relationship with the person who deeply understands and validates our emotions, thoughts, and dreams, we have found the soul who completes us – our soul mate.

Sounds so romantic and beautiful, doesn’t it? However, there are two major problems with it.

First, it’s just not true. The fairy tale, myth, fantasy, or whatever you wish to call it has been propagated through the centuries via the human experience of limerence. It’s a given in the marriage business that whomever you marry brings with him/her a set of problems. Marry this one and you get one set of problems. Marry that one and you get a different set. The absolute is that there ARE problems in every relationship and that each person on the planet is imperfect.

While it’s a fun fantasy to think that putting two imperfect people together would create perfection, it has no basis in reality. There is not one passage in the Bible that teaches that God has the perfect person for us out there somewhere. And there is no passage that tells us how to know if we actually encountered that person if such a person exists. Should we base it on how we feel? As you’ll see in a moment, that won’t work either. Why? Limerence fades away. Always.

Second, it makes God the one responsible for very bad decisions. Since Adam blamed God for making the woman that caused all the trouble (Genesis 3:12), people have been claiming that through circumstances and situations God led them to do the thing they did. As one woman leaving her husband for her “soul mate” said to me, “This is the man God meant me to have and be with all my life. He completes me. I know I was wrong to sleep with him before I divorced my husband, but there is no doubt that God sent this man to me.”

If you believe that God indeed has a specific soul mate for you and you finally beat the six billion to one odds and find that person, then who can blame you for abandoning the one you married before you finally found the person that God really meant you to have in the first place?

It’s hard to convict people of sin when they partner God in the sin.

The end of limerence.

Medical and social research shows that limerence exists to draw two people together, but it was never intended to keep two people together. As God made our bodies, including our brains, He made us very complex beings. (Psalm 134:19) Part of His design is that at least some people are strongly attracted to each other through the process that we call limerence. Not everyone experiences it. When it is experienced between two people who have a right to each other, we love to watch their love. When it is experienced between two people who don’t have a right to each other, it leads to very bad situations.

We know that limerence lasts somewhere between six months and thirty-six months. When the limerent isn’t limerent any longer, things change in his/her perception of the LO and of life itself. Flaws and problems move from the realm of the denied or obscure to that of the acknowledged and obvious. You hear former limerents saying things such as, “Was he always like that? I never saw it. I don’t think he was like that before.” Other priorities in life become important again. The person leaving limerence broadens his/her life, making more time for friends, hobbies, and the like.

This is as it should be and is yet more proof of the wisdom of God. If we didn’t move past limerence the human race would have died out eons ago because rather than planting the crops, lovers would have been sitting under trees reciting poetry to each other. As noted earlier, limerence is made to draw us strongly together, but it is not the element that bonds us for life. That is a different kind of love that is very deep, but much more rational and far less euphoric and obsessive.

That is one of the difficulties Governor Sanford faces now. The Associated Press writes, “Sanford said he is trying to fall back in love with his wife, Jenny, even as he grapples with his deep feelings for Chapur.” The ecstasy – though short-lived – of limerence will never compare in intensity with the type of love that makes for a wonderful, life-long marriage. He will need the proper help to overcome the one and find deep and true fulfillment in the other. Unfortunately, it would take a book to explain our success in helping people overcome limerence and learn to love their spouses in deeper ways than they ever imagined. Therefore, instead of providing the answer to limerence here, allow me to mention at least three ways that limerence may end.

Badly.

If two people are in limerence with each other, they usually don’t evolve past limerence at the same pace. Often one is still entrenched in limerence while the other has lost most or all limerence. That often leads post-limerent to abandon the still-limerent, either physically, emotionally, or sexually. Because of the intense emotions felt by the one still in deep limerence, logic, rules, values, and even self-preservation may disappear in a fog of desperation. The limerent typically tries to stop the post-limerent from ending the relationship and will employ increasingly intense actions to keep the LO from moving on. Tactics may include manipulation, control, guilt, seduction, blackmail, threats, slander, public scenes, suicide, and murder. Obviously not every limerent being abandoned will do every option listed here. Some do hardly any. But the truth is that some will do all of them, or in an intensely fearful moment jump straight to killing the LO and/or self.

This appears to be what happened to McNair and, as always, it is such a shame. By all accounts he was a good man who genuinely cared about people and who would roll up his sleeves and get directly involved in helping. On Nashville television a fellow church member described the kind of man that McNair was. But even the best of people, even those who love Jesus and want to do right, can get into terrible situations if they fall into limerence with someone to whom they have no right. It appears that Steve did. It also appears that Sahel did to a level that would not allow him to do anything but marry her or die. Many hearts broke and those who loved them will have a tough time healing.

Of course, trying to convince two people in limerence that one of them might become that desperate some day is fruitless. While still in limerence people usually see no flaws in the other and anticipate living happily ever after. If they have a right to each other, that impossible expectation isn’t as harmful as when they don’t have a right to each other. Either way, no relationship lives on limerence for more than three years and must have something deeper to survive a lifetime.

Sadly.

At least Governor Sanford is alive and so is his paramour. However, the embarrassment and shame he faces publicly, including the demands that he resign from office and the humiliation suffered by his wife and children are a terrible price to pay. As long as he is in limerence he will likely see his love for Maria as worth it. When limerence fades – and it definitely will, no matter what he believes about it now – he will come to a point of self-examination and guilt that will likely be far worse than whatever he faces now. At least I know that will happen if he is the good man that others believe him to be. A good man who did a bad thing.

Not because he intended to be bad or that he even contemplated how his actions violated his values. A good man that, as Paul wrote it in Ephesians 2:3, succumbed to his sinful nature (flesh) because we are by nature children of wrath.

When I read that passage now, I think of how the very things within our bodies (our flesh) that make us human can lead us to selfishly, almost blindly, go after what our emotions focus on if the focus is strong enough. I’ve seen enough Godly men and women destroy their lives by yielding to their flesh (brain chemicals and all the other things involved). Haven’t you?

Godly.

There are only two ways that I know of to overcome the natural. You do it either through natural means or supernatural means. If I have cancer and the physician’s employ surgery, chemotherapy, radiation, or whatever else they have in their arsenal to kill those destructive cells and save my life, I happily embrace their use of nature to overcome nature. Like many other Christians, I see no lack of faith in taking an aspirin when my head hurts or downing an antihistamine during ragweed season. Similarly, there are rational, natural means for combating limerence. I use them every month and see amazing success.

Bring your spouse or twist the arm of someone you love to come to my weekend workshop and our record since 1999 proves we have a three out of four success rate in overcoming marriage problems – even limerence – and saving the marriage. Our system is scientifically valid. It’s a use of the natural.

But don’t for a moment forget that the supernatural can overcome the natural in the twinkling of an eye. The most amazing miracle in the Bible is that of conversion, a person yielding to God and being changed in ways that humans cannot begin to measure accurately. Therefore, I often pray for conversion for the converted when that converted person has yielded to the flesh, particularly in the ways of limerence. Though I understand that brain chemicals drive them and make them illogical, I also know that one can choose to walk by the Spirit or by the flesh. Yielding to the Spirit not only can change our directions, it can change our emotions, and, yes, even balance out our brain chemicals so that they don’t have as much influence over us.

Just as God heals some naturally and some supernaturally from their physical diseases, He can and will heal them either naturally or supernaturally from their “brain” and emotional misdirections such as limerence. The primary difference is that they have to yield to Him rather than to their flesh.

There is hope and there is a love that can develop for each other – the limerent spouse who strayed and the wounded spouse who stayed – that is so much more fulfilling and brings much more contentment and happiness than any intense short-lived love. Let us help if you will, but whatever you do, surrender to the Spirit and walk by His guidance rather than that of your own desires, no matter how strong those desires are.

July 8, 2009

------------------------------------------------------
Joe Beam founded Love Path International (http://www.lovepathinternational.com), an organization whose mission is to save marriage relationships even in cases of affairs, anger, dishonesty, loss of passion and other marriage problems. Joe and Love Path International provide marriage help (http://www.marriagehelper.com) to couples who are in danger of separation or divorce.
 

---

 A Governor, a King, and the Tragedy of Adultery
Albert Mohler
Author, Speaker, President of the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary

The sad spectacle of South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford continues to dominate the headlines as further revelations add one bizarre twist after another to the governor's tale of adultery, deceit, and the consequences of sin. With every passing day, pressure mounts for the governor to resign. As the revelations unfold, his leadership credibility is further destroyed. The people of South Carolina now look to their governor's mansion with a sense of dread and embarrassment.

Governor Sanford's admission of adultery came only after he was ambushed by the media after returning from a liaison in Argentina. In a rambling confession, the governor admitted to an ongoing relationship and an extramarital affair. While the media quickly turned to ask questions about money and the affairs of state, many others immediately thought of the governor's wife and four sons and the horrible pain and embarrassment they were now forced to bear.

In his original statement, Governor Sanford seemed to acknowledge the evil of his actions and, using biblical language, he appeared to understand the sinfulness of his adultery and betrayal. Yet, his statement was rambling and disconnected and, upon reflection, his words raised more questions than they answered. How did this affair happen? Was the relationship really over?

When Governor Sanford addressed his cabinet just a few days after his confession, he offered an apology to his colleagues and promised to "carry on" as governor. “I wanted generally to apologize to every one of you all, for letting you down,” he said. Of course, "letting you down" hardly covers the behavior that brought the governor to this admission. The governor violated his marital vows, engaged in an elaborate and sickening correspondence with his mistress, abandoned his responsibility as husband and father, and forfeited his right to lead the state which twice had elected him governor.

When speaking to the Cabinet, Governor Sanford referred to the biblical story of King David. The governor spoke of "the way in which he fell mightily -- he fell in very, very significant ways --- but then picked up the pieces and built from there." The governor also suggested that remaining in office would set a good example for his four boys, teaching them to persevere after a fall. The great shame is that the governor did not have his four boys in mind as he committed adultery.

Naturally, questions emerged related to the extent and duration of the extramarital affair. The governor's initial statement was unclear about several key issues. The days following would render the situation even more unclear.

Most recently, in a lengthy interview granted to the Associated Press, Governor Sanford added what the wire service called "explosive details" that made the picture all the more troubling. In the first place, the governor admitted to having "crossed the lines" with other women. "There were a handful of instances wherein I crossed the lines that I shouldn't have crossed as a married man, but never crossed the ultimate line," said the governor.

But the most troubling words from the governor concerned the nature of his relationship with Maria Belen Chapur, the woman with whom he had the affair. "This was a whole lot more than a simple affair, this was a love story," he said. He added: "A forbidden one, a tragic one, but a love story at the end of the day."

Speaking, not of his wife, but of his mistress, Governor Sanford declared that he would go to his grave "knowing that I had met my soul mate."

Immediately following the governor's first admission, it seemed that he might survive politically and remain in office. The nation found itself once again in a debate about the relationship between personal virtue and public responsibility. This is a question that is particularly vexing to Christian conservatives, who must simultaneously understand that all are sinners in need of redemption and, at the same time, affirm that some sins disqualify individuals from public service and influence.

America's recent political history indicates that some politicians can survive revelations of adultery. While Christians should be less concerned about the political consequences and more concerned about the spiritual consequences, it is fair to observe that those politicians who survive more often than not do so when the adulterous relationship is clearly over and in the more distant past and when the politician has given himself in a demonstrable way to the priority of rebuilding his marriage and reestablishing credibility with his family.

Put simply, Governor Sanford's most recent comments point to a worst-case scenario. His words make clear that his heart is still inclined toward his mistress, and not his wife. With tragic candor, the governor has spoken of trying to fall back in love with his wife. He refers to his mistress, not his wife, as his soul mate, and speaks wistfully of the affair as "a love story at the end of the day."

Governor Sanford may cite King David, and he may even suffer the illusion that his response is similar to that of Israel's King. Nevertheless, the difference is clear. David's adultery was mixed even with murder, but his own acknowledgment of sin came in a flood of contrition, remorse, broken heartedness, and humility. David acknowledged the reality of his sin, expressed his hatred of the sin, and became a model for us all of repentance. Governor Sanford, on the other hand, demonstrates the audacity to speak wistfully of his sin, longingly of his lover, and romantically of his descent into unfaithfulness.

Governor Sanford is no King David, and the people of South Carolina -- as well as the watching world -- now observe the sad spectacle of a man who, while admitting to wrongdoing, shows no genuine repentance. As the Christian church has long recognized, true repentance is reflected in the "detestation of sin." This is a far cry from what we've heard from Governor Sanford.

If the governor is really serious about demonstrating character to his four sons, he should resign his office and give himself unreservedly to his wife and family. He must show his sons -- and all who have eyes to see -- how a man is led by the grace and mercy of God to hate his sin, rather than to love it. Until then, the governor must be understood to indulge himself in wistfulness for his affair and in a desperate determination to maintain his office. His remaining days in office are like a Greek tragedy unfolding into farce. The whole picture is just unspeakably sad. 
 

---

The Case of the Fallen Governor
Chuck Colson
BreakPoint

June 26, 2009

In the past 24 hours since Governor Mark Sanford admitted his affair, I’ve run the gamut of emotions: sadness, depression, anger, and most of all, bewilderment.

The particular tragedy of Sanford is that he had been an outstanding governor. He’s attractive, engaging, and smart. He is an articulate and tenacious defender of family values. And he espoused the cause of Christ.

Now, his career lies on the ash heap of history. He’ll have to gracefully withdraw from political life and try to put his shattered marriage back together.

I mentioned sadness and depression. Sanford’s admission is simply the latest among pro-family conservative Christian politicians. Remember Senator David Vitter, involved with a prostitution service? Then just a week ago, Senator John Ensign of Nevada—a good friend I have known for years—he, too, admitted an affair.

And now Mark Sanford, probably the last man in American public life I would have expected to so incredibly disappoint us.

Sadness, depression—then there’s anger. These men dishonored their families and their offices and the Christian faith they profess.

But most of all, I am bewildered. Sanford had it all—a beautiful wife and family, high public office, and he was a viable candidate, perhaps, for President. Why would he throw it all away?

The answer came to me as I stewed over Sanford’s demise—and as I have reflected on my own life and my own failures, particularly before I knew the Lord.

We humans, you see, have an infinite capacity for self-rationalization. We reason that we can give in to those seemingly minor temptations—say an emotional attraction to a co-worker, or just one drink at the party—because we think we know the boundaries. We think our reason can keep us safe.

The problem is, as C. S. Lewis wrote in his timeless essay, “Men Without Chests,” that our reason is no match for the passions of the flesh. Lewis put it this way: Our stomachs (that is our appetites) can’t be controlled by our minds (that is, reason). Something else has to come in to play—and that is the spirited element, or our chests, as he called it. It’s our will being trained to do what is right and just.

Nearly every grave moral failure begins with a small sin. Because there comes a time, after we toy with sin, when one pull of the flesh causes us to cross the line, to disengage from reason, and to follow our appetites wherever they may lead.

And, I’m afraid, this is especially easy today. We’re told we can have it all, that we can be free to pursue any pleasure. Our wills are not trained to do what is good, but to do what pleases us. Many of us have become, as Lewis said, men without chests.

So, fellow Christians, don’t be self-righteous. Let the Sanford tragedy be a cautionary tale. Are you toying with sin? If so, for your self, your family, and your Lord—stop. Don’t put yourself in a position of compromise.

Instead, let us—you and I—prayerfully build up our chests and train our will that we might, by God’s grace and in fellowship with other believers who hold us accountable, not betray our Lord.

 --------------------------------------------------------------

Chuck Colson’s daily BreakPoint commentary airs each weekday on more than one thousand outlets with an estimated listening audience of one million people. BreakPoint provides a Christian perspective on today’s news and trends via radio, interactive media, and print.

credits to www.crosswalk.com

香蕉燕麥果仁曲奇

這個我本來想做外脆內軟的曲奇, 可是, 過了一天之後就已經不脆了...我想可能要焗久多一點點讓它水份乾一點比較好呢! 
 

材料：

香蕉2-3隻
無鹽牛油 1/2杯
糖 3/4杯
雞蛋1隻
梳打粉(baking soda) 1茶匙
麵粉 1 1/2杯
燕麥片 1/2杯
鹽少許
玉桂粉1/2 茶匙
自己喜歡的果仁碎適量

此份量可弄約4打小曲奇

製法：
1. 先把焗爐預熱至180度
2. 室溫軟化了的牛油, 糖及蛋打成鬆軟
3. 壓爛香蕉加入梳打粉拌勻
4. 將香蕉蓉混合(1)。逐次加入麵粉及燕麥片, 再加鹽及玉桂粉拌勻。最後加入果仁碎
 

 
4. 用匙羹把混合物如上放到牛油紙上，以180度焗約15至20分鐘。因每人的焗爐火候有所不同, 要小心留意曲奇變色的情況, 金黃色就可以取出了喔~

心太軟

聽說心太軟很容易弄，果然半小時之內完成並且吃完！好吃喔～今次覺得好像焗有點太長，裡面沒有很多流出來～我想我下次焗少一分鐘可能比較好呢～
　

材料:
煮食用朱古力 50克
無鹽牛油 50克
砂糖 10克
蛋 1只
蛋黃 1只
雲呢拿油 半茶匙
低筋麵粉 15克

約4人份量 (小杯)

做法:

1. 焗爐預熱180度。
2. 朱古力與牛油隔水加熱至完全溶化
3. 蛋糕杯抹上牛油，再沾上少許麵粉以便之後脫模
4. 糖, 蛋, 蛋黃, 雲呢拿油一起打到杰身, 加入朱古力牛油混合物攪均, 再加入麵粉拌勻
5. 將麵糊倒入蛋糕杯內, 放入焗爐焗5分鐘左右
6. 取出後以小刀輕輕界一圈, 以便倒出蛋糕, 上碟就可以吃啦~

P.S. 人人的焗爐火喉都有所不同, 我第一次焗的時候裡面沒有太多流出來呢~ 第二次才試到成功! 所以大家都有夾夾自己的焗爐喔!
 

盧海鵬扮木村拓哉

都係盧海鵬最勁!!